Turning Back on My Old Friend

Have you turned your back on someone really important for too few reasons? For a few weeks now, I’ve felt like our journey together is over. Or at least I feel we’ve been caught in a whirlwind of setbacks and regrets. I think it’s time to urgently move from breakups and longing to start the reconciliation phase, to come forward and humble myself. Is it possible to restore everything back to normal? Did I finally betray my old ally or did it betray me… Now I’m talking about my long-term partner, exercise, whose special form of sports I’ve also become somewhat familiar with over the years.

The current exercise slump I’m in is unlike any I’ve faced before. The joy of working out has vanished, and the obligation to do so isn’t enough motivation. I can muster up the energy to put on my running gear, but my feet seem glued to the hallway floor! The back pain and stiffness probably began in January when I decided to insert new insoles into my shoes as a preventive measure. The old saying goes, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” right? Perhaps my training methods were flawed. Things took a turn for the worse in February and March when my blogging hobby and insatiable curiosity led me to spend hours daily in front of a computer. That’s just who I am…a chronic enthusiast and overthinker! It’s been roughly four months since I last maintained a regular exercise routine.

The Needs of Body and Mind

Exercise has always been a source of invaluable benefits for me, both physically and mentally. Regular weekly workouts have been my go-to remedy for persistent back, shoulder, and knee issues caused by joint hypermobility or minor injuries. The form of exercise doesn’t matter as long as it engages my core muscles, strengthens the small muscles around my knees, accustoms my body to minor shocks, or involves various arm movements above the shoulder level! Be it jogging, gym workouts, fitness circuits, ball games, swimming, cycling, and so on.

Sports have often been my escape route from negative thoughts, offering a fresh perspective. Exercise has rewarded me with robust basic fitness, the ability to keep going, and the freedom to engage in any demanding sport without limitations! And let’s not forget the boost in self-confidence.

In recent years, I’ve had phases, sometimes lasting even a couple of months, where my desire to move just evaporates. It could be triggered by an injury or a stressful life event that induces haste and anxiety. The enjoyable rhythm of training or jogging gets disrupted, and the slightest dip in performance can send my motivation spiraling down. Instead of listening to my body and adapting, I adjust my movements to fit the situation, but my perspective becomes starkly black and white. These phases have always passed, and the urge to move has resurfaced naturally, without any force. But now, I find myself questioning if my motivation to exercise will ever return…

Did I Succeed — And What could have Gone Wrong

I’ve always viewed exercise as a performance-driven activity that needs to be executed perfectly and successfully, or it loses its purpose. What a ludicrous mindset! I allow myself to plummet into despair, blame the entire concept, and metaphorically throw in the towel with a single sport, meaning I either put it on pause or cease almost all physical activity. Does this resonate with you? Perhaps this pattern aligns with the negative perfectionism that resides within me. It’s the same approach I adopt in relationships or at work. Minor mistakes or flaws flip the drama switch on, leading to a mindset where everything is wrong, all is lost, and nothing makes sense. It’s a temporary mental hurdle that I usually overcome fairly quickly.

Why do I insist on comparing my exercise sessions and many other aspects of life to my best performances? It’s as if I’m constantly striving to outdo myself, using only my peak moments as benchmarks. Rarely do I derive satisfaction from the fact that I don’t feel as terrible, heavy, or burdened as I once did. I suppose the only solution is to accept that not every session will feel great and to appreciate the good that’s present. On the jogging trail, this has sometimes meant savoring the music, nature, the absence of haste, or the cheerful demeanor of the people I encounter. After all, regardless of how the workout felt, nothing truly goes awry in the end.

The Brutal Competition Between Stimuli

I’m quite adept at finding enjoyable distractions to replace exercise, which temporarily mimic the pleasures of working out and willingly steer me towards a monotony-induced lethargy. Or at least, they drive my body to a state where resuming physical activity becomes significantly more challenging. These distractions can be sensible, educational, or even irrational. They range from news, trends, scientific publications, and courses to social media and IT skills like understanding blogs and online shopping.

I can get lost in obsessive thoughts about intimacy and sex, conveniently forgetting that even these experiences are enhanced when I’ve been taking care of my health through exercise. A captivating streaming series or, as in the past, aimlessly sitting in a bar with a beer in hand can also serve as distractions.

A Longing Stirred by Self-Loathing and Everyday Struggles

Gaining weight, remaining inactive, and succumbing to laziness can trigger a host of issues in an already weary body, such as back pain, and eventually lead to mental obstacles like irritability, frustration, and the tendency to magnify and spread problems to unrelated areas. In the final stage, I acknowledge my detrimental decline when I’ve had my fill of the sluggishness, leading to feelings of anxiety and self-resentment.

At this point, I make a sudden shift in attitude and plunge back into exercise with renewed vigor! More often than not, I push myself too hard, convincing myself: Now I am a top athlete. I become disgruntled when I can’t train optimally and find myself envying those who can afford to work out in the morning or midday, outside of weekends! This cycle repeats itself every few months. There’s always a fresh burst of enthusiasm, but now I must confess that exercise has never truly been a part of my lifestyle since my youth, if it ever was.

Genuine Joy of Exercise or the Pressures of Superficiality?

I enjoy scrolling through social media, following not just friends but also near-strangers. It’s heartwarming to see individuals who pause to form a sincere connection with nature and physical activity. These are the people who leave me with the sense that their posts aren’t primarily for the benefit of others. Instead, they seem to represent a minor desire to share snippets of their lives. But above all, these posts serve as a form of self-empowerment, a pat on the back for taking good care of their physical and mental well-being.

Indeed, the vibe of such posts sets them apart from the shallow, attention-seeking updates we often see. The individuals behind these posts don’t seem to care whether they have ten or a thousand followers. I can’t help but admire and feel a twinge of envy towards those who’ve found inner peace and the ability to shrug off superficial external pressures.

Have you ever pondered what motivates you to work out? As for me, I believe my motivation is a mix of personal drive, pressure to look good, and a desire for social recognition. I’ve listed these in order, seemingly from the most noble to the least!

The personal drive kicks in when I’m fed up with my own laziness or my alcohol intake. Or when I’m genuinely thrilled about something, like today’s padel session that I’ve been looking forward to since last night. Or, at the very least, when the cost-benefit analysis begins, meaning the pain and discomfort have become so intense that it’s actually less painful and less unpleasant to just go and exercise, even if it feels burdensome and unrewarding.

At this point, I’ve come to terms with the discomfort already, realizing that rest won’t solve my issues. Exercise is in my best interest, and the payoff will come later.

Maintaining my appearance, specifically weight management and staying in shape, has always been a significant motivator for me. Whether it’s right or wrong, natural or not, seeing a growing belly, widening hips, or a puffy face in the mirror has always been a source of distress. It’s always been crucial for me, at least mentally, to keep my weight in check and maintain a flat stomach. This has had, and continues to have, a significant impact on my self-esteem or at least my self-satisfaction.

My appearance and achieving that so-called ‘summer body’ also largely influence my own sexual desires, determining whether obsessive needs or more moderate positivity prevail in my daily life. I’d even go as far as to say that in a relationship, it’s my responsibility to keep myself in a state where I value and am content with myself. Whether it’s a weight goal, life balance, getting enough sleep, or cutting back on personal expenses, all these choices contribute to my overall mood and keep my obsessions at bay.

This way, I must avoid projecting my insecurities or personal dissatisfaction onto my partner. I’d be interested to hear how other men, in particular, view the importance of the balance between their appearance and their actions in a relationship or the quality of their sex life. Feel free to comment or send me a private message!

I won’t further embarrass myself by revealing the proportions of the three motivations I’ve mentioned! All I’ll say is that I have much to learn and, therefore, the potential to gain even more from exercising. I don’t fear social media or feel ensnared by it in any way, but naturally, I aim for independence along with controlled attention. I want to keep my mind clear and experience those wonderful feelings, without necessarily needing anyone else to know.

But I will point out that among those of us who are active on social media, there are certainly many who post for themselves or a specific niche audience, even with a public profile. So, in a classic sense, I’d say that choosing not to read is often a better option than getting provoked. At the same time, I’m already planning to post at least one pleasant picture of a bike, myself, and the sun today. Everyone should see how I can enjoy myself, completely independently. 🙂

Sober, I Become an Active Exerciser

This is a misconception that I’ve had to disprove to myself during my 128-day period of abstaining from alcohol. I’ve had to come to the realization that contrary to my previous beliefs, not drinking doesn’t automatically motivate me to exercise. Instead, the passion and enjoyment for exercise must be found elsewhere. The fact that I’m not fatigued or dizzy is merely the first step in enabling a productive week or month ahead. Linking alcohol consumption to exercise, or the idea that alcohol sabotages my fitness goals, has only been a part of the truth for me.

It’s been misguided and feeble of me to view abstinence as a solution to enhancing my athletic performance. By curbing or halting my alcohol consumption, the primary reward would be starting to enjoy working out, seeing immediate results, and setting off a self-sustaining process. Feeling good in my body motivates me to exercise smartly, recover effectively, always choose the right workout, and the results are remarkable. All of this not happening has been due to alcohol. And that’s the primary reason why I should rid myself of alcohol. It would require adopting the lifestyle of a top athlete to offset the hardship of sacrifice and the pain of withdrawal that comes with abstinence. But I’m prepared for it. I will become an active athlete.

Certainly not! There’s no logic in that! But it’s definitely been easier for me to frame it that way than to admit that alcohol is a more extensive issue. My most significant revelation this year has been understanding that gaining control over alcohol brings benefits that far outweigh the potential pleasures of exercise. Self-confidence, self-respect, fearlessness, trust in my choices, tranquility, predictability, ethical alignment of my actions with my values, moral satisfaction with my behavior in relation to general principles of responsible conduct. Enjoying being at home, reducing aimlessness. The list could continue. Of course, there have also been unexpected and challenging emotions, such as fleeting boredom or the repetition of the same daily routine.

The Driving Force

What would be my motivation to stay active in the future? I can’t compare my own motivational factors or accomplishments to those of others. And I don’t aim to live like an elite athlete. Attempting to emulate such a lifestyle tends to create more unrealistic expectations and feelings of failure than rewarding experiences. It’s disheartening to think that my primary reason for staying active would be to avoid physical discomfort. As an athlete (who doesn’t exercise!) I would want more from physical activity. 🙂 One of my quirks is that I always consider myself to be in good shape, even though it’s been 25 years since I’ve been really active.

A fresh perspective could be that when I exercise, I never feel like I’m squandering time that could be spent on another inspiring activity, such as learning something new on the computer. And that I schedule my workouts in a way that doesn’t make me feel like I’m taking time away from my children or my partner. Indeed, I’ve received complete support from my loved ones to exercise. The issue here isn’t their support, but my own reluctance.

My best strategy for this is to lower my expectations. I don’t want to feel disappointed in the future if my run turns into a jog, or a jog slows to a walk. Or if an hour-long jog lasts only 25 minutes, or if the jog is interrupted by a coffee and roll break at a local seaside café. Simply getting out the door is a victory.

Another perspective is that exercise shouldn’t feel like a burden to me, or something I don’t enjoy doing. What would my goal be? Unless it’s a specific challenge like a half-marathon that requires athletic preparation. If I feel like my nerves can’t handle the strain or the intensity of a hard run, I can still choose clothes I like, put on a new music playlist or podcast on Spotify, go outside and just be present and move, walk. It doesn’t matter if my average heart rate goes above 110 or not.

Hesitation, Lack of Creativity, or Lack of Energy

Why haven’t I ventured into new sports? It’s a question that crosses my mind now and then. Sure, I have a few hurdles to overcome, but fundamentally, I’m still physically capable of giving anything a shot. I suppose it boils down to a lack of experience and perhaps a limited mental bandwidth, especially if the sport involves integrating into a new group. The thought of potentially feeling embarrassed if I can’t grasp the instructions or mimic certain movements just by observing others is a bit daunting. I tend to dwell on these concerns more than the potential rewards of trying a new sport. I prefer to embrace new challenges when they feel natural. Do you have any sports in mind that you could recommend?

Balance

Why do I constantly feel like I’m on the brink of losing balance? It might be tied to issues with self-esteem, making me feel compelled to be overly enthusiastic about acquiring new skills. Perhaps a dose of ADHD medication could bring about a change someday. Or maybe this is just a midlife crisis, a race against time to learn new things. Regardless of the reason, the quest for balance persists and it’s essential that it does.

The secret to maintaining balance is undoubtedly understanding that you can’t rush things. I’d like to embrace the belief that each day brings a chance to learn just a bit more, and instead of gorging on pointless information, I should be content with what I’ve learned. Perhaps in future the true wealth lies in relishing new skills and experiences alongside the old ones. And I may prefer to feast on the future opportunities that I can explore without rushing. Because once I’ve consumed and exhausted one topic, there’s always another one waiting in the wings.

From Words to Actions

Today, I’m genuinely excited about stepping outdoors, so it doesn’t feel like a chore. I reckon I’ll hop on my bike and gear up for a ride. The path is undecided, there’s no need to plan it out beforehand. I’m sure many would think I’m overthinking things with this post. But with that same thought, I’m hitting the road. There’s no need to overanalyze every emotion I experience. As the headline on my blog’s homepage suggests: If your own issues seem overwhelming and complex, take a moment to set them aside and lend an ear (or an eye) to others.