Self-Confidence and Courage – my Main Events

The Foundation of Favorite Activities and Fears from Childhood

Sometimes it’s frustrating that trying out new activities and sports has been far too limited. At least experimenting with the rarer or newer, exotic-feeling sports for me and my circle of friends. It has always been easy to run after a ball, go to a familiar hall or a familiar-looking field with familiar rules and equipment to do something I tried as a child and know how to do — or think I know how to do. Ball sports became familiar, but would the self-confidence and courage be enough for something like a swimming or dance course? A completely impossible thought — or is it after all…

In my age group and childhood living environment, most kids were physically active every single day and sports were admired. We played football, basketball, badminton, tennis, table tennis, foursquare, or Finnish baseball in the summer with friends from the same or neighboring apartment buildings, blocks, or neighborhoods. We looked up to the older boys and pretended to be world-famous top players. Sometimes we threw a javelin or did long jump. Or we played games like swing ball, bench ball, and dodgeball. In the winter we played street hockey in the yard alleys and beanie hockey on outdoor rinks, and built jumping hills for mini ski competitions. We skied at school or with our parents.

Balance, motor skills, and courage were built by skateboarding, riding sled hills, jumping from roofs and cliffs into snow, or biking along paths and tracks in small forests. Greetings and thanks to the boys from Aittakorpi — Aittis — if you’re reading this!

As an adult, I’ve had a high threshold for trying sports or activities that I didn’t practice when I was young. Like dance or martial arts, which require a different kind of body control, strength, and sense of rhythm. In elementary school, bullying created fear and feelings of inferiority about things like going to the school disco, which in turn led to an aversion to dancing.

The same kind of fear and shyness also developed toward swimming and gymnastics, because they too were tied to the school environment. I never really dared to do flips, dive, or jump headfirst into the water. I still remember the swimming days when the bus was waiting in the school parking lot and you had to head to the pool with fear, surrounded by a tense and pressuring atmosphere.

Back then in the 1980s, at least in my school, there wasn’t yet any systematic focus on joy, encouragement, or team spirit; instead everyone was pushed into the same mold, largely ignoring individual fears and weaknesses. By toughening up and learning to tolerate discomfort, we were made to perform almost with tears in our eyes, and the methods were rarely adapted. Shy children were frowned upon, it was shown openly, and once someone received the “bullied” status, they began to be treated accordingly. Even the adult in a position of responsibility did not necessarily have to change this dynamic or rescue the bullied child. A harsh and black-and-white interpretation, you might think — but for us who were bullied, it was complete reality.

Motivation for Trying Something New

I’ve already had the chance to pursue many hobbies by this age, and at least when it comes to trying new activities, I’ve recovered from the self-esteem deficit caused by the bullying years in elementary school. Most of the time I need someone to encourage me to try something new. However, that is not the first requirement.

Above all, I first need mental space for something new. Stress and fatigue have to be tackled first, uncertainties need to be resolved, and the rush and constant busyness need to be cut off. Enough rest and unscheduled days that give me a sense of control. So why doesn’t trying something new work for my mind right in the middle of chaos as a relaxed bit of fun and a counterbalance to stress, with my head free of worries? Why couldn’t I just join in without preparation, copy how others do it, experiment, ask questions, and even make mistakes?

Top Level Sports and Science

Because I can’t just do things casually or take up new sports lightly. Right from the first or second session, ambition and competitiveness kick in — I want to do things well, focus on the correct techniques and tactics, and improve. Simply put, I don’t want to be totally crap at it 🙂 And this usually leads to an obsessive immersion that overshadows all other hobbies, or alternatively, total abandonment of the sport. This kind of obsession also raises the threshold for trying new things, because I need to have the energy to be prepared. In other words, copying others or learning by doing without understanding the details and correctness of the sport usually doesn’t work for me.

The Latest Ventures

Gratefully, I reflect on what I’ve gained from the two most recent sports I’ve tried. Of course, technical skills in the sport, but also a lot of something bigger. Ever tried padel or freestyle swimming as new sports in your late 40s?

Padel as Anger Management Tool

Have you ever just felt like taking the racket off its strap and tossing it out the door? Or just leavethe court?!

I tried padel for the first time a couple of years ago when a good friend invited me along. Since then, we’ve been playing weekly on outdoor and indoor courts with varying lineups. Now there’s a regular team and weekly session, and often another extra court booking for weekend. At first, I thought padel was a cross between squash and tennis. Then I realized that it has a lot of its own characteristics and is completely its own sport. Padel has required insights, for example, into positioning on the court and understanding defensive and offensive phases during play. The power of the shots, and especially their variation, is very important, and winning relies on patience and forcing the opponent to make mistakes.

The biggest lesson from padel has been learning to control my mood — my nerves. No other sport so far has trained this in the same way. I previously quit volleyball (which I played competitively and for about a quarter of a century) because I realized the sport shredded my nerves almost every time. I wouldn’t be able to perform at the same level as when I was younger, so why play? Back then, in my Mid-thirties, I thought the frustration volleyball caused was at an extreme level.

After an initial gentle introduction, padel has now reached its own level for me. Too many games have ended in smashing the ball out of frustration and reaching a state I couldn’t recover from during the same session. The same has happened to all of my playing partners at times. I’ve tried to learn from this, and now I always set 1–2 themes in advance that I focus on before each ball and throughout the game. Playing stance, return of serve, positioning, etc.

If I’ve focused on the chosen theme for every ball, I’m satisfied with my level of concentration and can allow myself making other mistakes or go through a streak of errors and still stay calm and achieve my goals for the evening. This usually works and can be applied to other situations in life.

Padel has brought a sense of community — new playing groups and the chance to meet great new people. In padel, you also adapt to your teammate, your own partner, make observations about the game, and agree on smart ways to play in different situations. And I have to say, right now the renewed facilities and positive energy at Pyhtää Arena, with its sense of community and eagerness to improve, draws me and the other players like a magnet. Maybe someday I could become a tournament player…

“Freestyle Swimming is way too Difficult”

Swimming has always been a completely foreign sport to me. I remember carefully thinking and hesitating when, before military service, my swimming skills had to be assessed at the conscription — over or under 200 meters?! In the end, I hesitantly marked over 200 meters. It was another 20 years before, in my forties, that I seriously tried breaststroke using YouTube tips. I turned it into a form of exercise and eventually managed to swim a kilometer without major breaks, even though swimming still feels ridiculously slow. Breaststroke remained an occasional challenge whenever I remembered to go to the pool.

I’ve always been hesitant about freestyle swimming because it seemed to be especially for competitive swimmers. I couldn’t just go pretending to be a competitive swimmer when I never practiced the sport as a child. Last year, I went along to Lappeenranta to watch my partner’s teenage son’s competitions. It was a fun experience, and my interest in swimming grew, but my confidence was far too low to try any new swimming style myself.

Then, at the end of last year, my partner suggested an intensive freestyle swimming course, held right after Christmas. I thought I could manage that one session, even if the timing landed awkwardly in the post-Christmas ham-and-red-wine bloat. The course group was supposed to be small, which was also nerve-wracking. I promised, “Sure thing, darling, I’ll go with you!”

When we finally got into the pool, it quickly became clear in the first exercises that my actual freestyle skill was under 25 meters. Panic and shortness of breath triggered almost a fear of drowning. Then we were taught gliding with a kickboard, the position of the front hand, and body rotation. The first session ended quickly, and although I got excited, it felt like it would probably take a year or two before the sport became enjoyable in any way.

It’s only been a little over a month since the course, though it feels like six months have passed. On the very first solo swim session, the course lessons started to sink in, and in the first weeks, I was already able to swim a full kilometer in one session with fairly long breaks. Since then, the breaks have gradually gotten shorter, my swimming has become more efficient, and my kilometer time has improved rapidly.

I feel so good that my loved one suggested it and that I went along! I cheered to myself, and almost with a tear in my eye, I sat on the sauna bench the first time I swam a full kilometer of freestyle. This is my latest sporting venture and it showed that, in the end, nothing is impossible when you sign up and join in with courage!

Challenges and Pushing Oneself

As I understand it, the whole point of trying new sports and new things is precisely that our prejudices exist only inside our own heads. I can’t judge a sport, the skills it requires, or the people around it if I know nothing about them. Nor can I think, after trying it once, that I’ll never learn it and will be forever bad at it. The sports we choose are probably, for all of us, learned in childhood and youth — inherited and shaped by our environment. I could have become a competitive dancer if it had been part of the traditions around me. Maybe!

A little discomfort is probably the whole point of it. You have to feel uncertain and a bit out of your depth to later get the reward of a confidence boost. I even have my own measure for it! Have you ever done such a tough gym or group exercise session that afterward you find yourself shaking like a leaf, feeling a sudden rush of well-being that brings tears to your eyes and forces a smile onto your face? At the same time, you’re moved to tears and then start laughing. Being emotionally stirred as a result of learning shows that your limits are being pushed aside, your self-confidence is strengthening, and you’re experiencing a strong sense of surpassing yourself.

Self-Confidence — the Greatest Obstacle and Ultimate Reward

Not everyone reflects on the motivational factors of sports or the rewards they bring the way I do — some people just start a new activity because it’s fun! You really don’t have to overthink it like me, and believe me, sometimes I wish my brain wouldn’t spin this much either, and I would just do things. 🙂 But even for “non‑overthinkers,” somewhere in the subconscious the driver is the need to learn something new in order to strengthen self‑confidence. And that the good feeling after exercise, in addition to the physical and chemical effects, also rises from that boost in self‑esteem for all of us.

For most people, self-confidence — or the lack of it — is the greatest obstacle and challenge to open-minded experimentation. At the same time, I believe it’s the most important reward! I read somewhere that this can be called a psychological paradox or a self-reinforcing loop, for better or worse. If you get going and get used to being open-minded, you gain more courage to try and a whole lot of confidence. If you don’t go and try, the threshold and uncertainty grow even more, and you start building limits around your abilities.

The reward can be applied to life as a whole. When I was younger, of course, I thought sports were just fun, and the goal was directly related to a specific sport, like competitive volleyball. Now, new sports have been added to my virtual medicine cabinet, and they act as boosters for overall self-confidence and positivity. Naturally, I also expect health benefits from exercise. It helps with weight management and achieving the self-image I want, and it brings a light, good feeling.

Learning Helps with Learning

The positive loop created by trying new sports probably extends beyond athletics. Learning and its required patience, concentration, listening skills, focused practice in small steps, and setting reasonable intermediate goals for improving in a sport surely help in other kinds of learning as well. For example, adapting to a new life situation or pursuing a new degree as an adult.

Who wouldn’t want to improve their self-confidence or the excellent ability to learn something new? I think I’ll focus first on recovering a bit, giving my mind time to calm down and space to get interested in something new. Then I’ll be ready to dive in again. The most important thing is that right now, I’m genuinely interested in exercising and want to invest in it. It hasn’t always been this easy. Read more about it in the May 2025 post Breakups and longing.