Excitingly Normal

A little over three months ago, in March, I wrote a post titled Connected on Vacation. It was about how a vacation starts to free you even before it properly begins, and how taking time off can reveal an imbalance in one’s mental state. That a person might be so caught up in everyday routines for the rest of the year that they don’t know how to relax or enjoy time at home in the middle of excitingly normal life. They don’t know how to live that intriguingly normal life!

Now that I reread my earlier text, it somehow feels very different and strange to think that it was written only such a short time ago. Back then I was thinking that I should make “living in the moment” a goal for myself. You can clearly sense a certain forcing and strain coming through in that writing of mine. 🙂

Back then, during the winter, I sat at my laptop every day and the hours never seemed to be enough for anything. I had plenty of ideas for improving my physical fitness and mental well-being, goals had been set, and many things had become clearer — but in practice I wasn’t living my own plan at all, as my new enthusiasm (blogging) was taking up too much time. I was still observing my own life from the outside.

Once my mind became active, philosophizing felt at least as important as actually implementing real changes in my life. After all, everything has to be understood and analyzed to the fullest first! You can’t change everything at once, and I needed that phase in order to detach myself from my old habits.

You Can Look Forward to Everyday Life Too!

I feel like I’ve taken another step forward again. It no longer feels as if I’m only truly alive while on vacation. Even though my encounters with my teenage children are often just quick afternoon greetings, dividing up tasks, and later in the evening a bit of conversation about daily routines, everyday life at home feels much more meaningful again.

In the end, it’s not the amount of shared time that matters most, but the right atmosphere and genuine connection. I feel more ready and capable again — ready to be present, to focus, and to truly listen to what’s new in my children’s lives. And perhaps it’s becoming easier to rediscover shared interests together as well.

At work, the pace has only accelerated, so even though unexpected twists, new challenges, and solving them provide increased confidence, on the other side of the scale there is at least the usual amount of workload. Therefore, the reason for a positive, calm feeling can first be sought in my own attitude and choices during free time. Something has changed in my ability to handle lonely moments, pressure, fatigue, and uncertainties. Self-confidence has improved, and I now feel calmer.

Certainly, I still complain, sometimes accumulate sleep debt, and in the early evenings after work, I collapse on the couch. But every day I also look forward to this “normal” few hours of free time and enjoy it. Weekday evenings no longer go by sitting at the laptop, and I have a better understanding that nothing has to be finished, as personal development has no deadlines. Now I’m enjoying the summer… and trying to pay more attention to my loved ones!

What if you Lose the Summer?

I’ve often thought about summer through a kind of fear of missing out. What if summer starts really early this year or partly passes before I even get my vacation? Or what crushing anxiety might hit when the holiday is ending and the harsh return to everyday life begins? No matter how you justify that kind of thinking, it’s clearly a ridiculous waste of time. Even last summer’s vacation felt successful, and this year has been really special!

This summer feels somehow endless, and I’m already happy with how much I’ve gotten out of it. Sports, soaking up the sun on the beach, swimming, summer theater, a boat trip, stopping by terraces, and just ordinary outdoor activities. Nothing extraordinary would even need to happen for me to be able to say in August, “What a great summer!” And yet, most of the plans are still ahead! I absolutely don’t believe I’ll feel broken or disappointed when the four-week holiday ends!

Goal Update

At the beginning of the year, I added the My Goals page, which included ten tough challenges. They all still feel important. Finances, alcohol, and personal development are the areas I’m most proud of at this point. Likewise, separating work and free time has improved in a good direction. There’s still room for improvement in the others, but now all of them feel achievable.

How About a Normal Life?

Why haven’t I been able to enjoy just a few hours of free time at home on weekday evenings before, and why did I feel I had to know what’s happening in the city? Why haven’t I felt that I already had all the most important things in place?

There’s no rush to find answers to these, but completely avoiding alcohol and aimless time-wasting for five months has given me peace, restored my self-confidence, helped me notice the good things, and reduced fear and stress. Enjoying home life and gaining pleasure from different daily feelings of control have brought happiness.

Others Deserve their Share

My own change has, over the past six months, drawn my attention to adjusting my daily routine. Analyzing physical and mental sensations and engaging with events in the outside world have taken time away from my family and partner. I still haven’t fully noticed the needs of my loved ones, as I’ve been focused on this personal change project… More attention, interest, fun activities, and conversations are needed so that being with me is also calm and engaging for others, and I can show that my better balance is real and can bring joy to them too.

With that vibe into the late summer! I’m not counting this as a goal, since there are already ten on the list. 🙂